The Crash Site
by Fluidfyre
Summary: On receiving word from Admiral Hackett, Commander Shepard returns to Alchera to face where she died and honour those who weren't given a second chance. Where her world fractured. Where she lost the galaxy she knew. One-shot. Complete.


A/N: Couldn't think where to fit this into my stories - had thought to make it a chapter in Rising Tide, but I think it serves better as a stand alone story. Same universe/timeline/Shepard as my other Mass Effect stories though.

Wrote this because honestly, I really didn't like how the mission to the SR-1 Normandy's crash site played out in the DLC. So this is my take on it!

As always, Mass Effect and her characters and the galaxy they live in belongs to Bioware.

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* * *

"Shepard, please. Let us come with you."

Decisively stepping aside, the Commander avoided Tali'Zorah's grasp. The heavy steps of her hardsuit echoed in the cargo bay as she tracked toward the Kodiak.

"Commander... " Garrus called after, and looking to Tali, they both set into motion following her.

"It was an Alliance ship. There is no need to bother yourselves with it." There was a hard edge to Shepard's voice as she reached for an empty case to bring with her. Opening the clip, she put the device she had brought with her inside.

"How are you even going to carry the monument, Shepard?"

Shepard didn't look to Garrus, as behind her a few of the crew hoisted the tall statue of the Normandy in flight into the hold of the shuttle. Snapping it shut, she raised the case and waved his direction. "Contra-gravitic levitation. If the hanar can use it, so can I." There came a murmur of dissent from within the small ship.

She snagged her helmet and snapped it on, not meeting anyone's gaze till it was secure. Her face concealed, Shepard let out a heavy breath, the sound mediated by her hardsuit. There was a loud clunk as the monument was set in the Kodiak, and with a wave of her hand, the Commander dismissed the crew.

"You asked us to meet you down here so we could come. So you wouldn't have to face this alone." Tali took the last few steps, touching Shepard's upper arm. "You never have to."

Shepard closed her eyes. Her pulse was thumping hard in her temples, a burgeoning headache. Since speaking with Admiral Hackett regarding the crash site, visions of her death had resurfaced. They had come almost directly from the Citadel on her order. More than anything, she hadn't been able to sleep. Her mouth was dry.

Licking her lips, Shepard opened her eyes but didn't look up, "People don't have a choice about being alone, Tali." She looked up to the quarian. "I was alone then. Do you think I can't remember what it felt like to die above that planet?"

Tali recoiled as if slapped, pulling her hands away from the Commander. Garrus stared, aghast.

"I've watched the services, for the marines down there, for me. Everyone has had their time to grieve for what happened that day - everyone but me. This..." Shepard faltered, sucking her lips in as a shaky breath exhaled through her nose. She clenched her hand to a fist to stop the slight tremor in her. Swallowing, she steadied herself and found her voice, "This was my grave."

Garrus reached a hand to her shoulder, even as she put her hands on her hips, looking down again. "That's why we're coming. We've got your back."

The last of the SR-2 crew disappeared behind the elevator doors, allowing Shepard to give a heavy sigh. These were her two closest friends. They had been there through almost anything, no matter who was footing the bill.

"Alright. Suit up." She whispered.

In relative quiet, they assembled the last things needed and filed into the Kodiak shuttle, notifying Joker to head into a low orbit for the drop. Tali ushered Shepard out of the pilot's chair, sinking in the moment it was free.

"If we want to get there in one piece, we better not let you drive."

The knot in her shoulders loosening, Shepard couldn't help but smile, unlocking her helmet to take it off as the cabin pressurized. Garrus strapped into the chair behind them.

"Weird being up here." The turian adjusted the belt, shifting in the chair. "Much nicer accommodations than in back."

"Meat shields don't need fancy seats."

"Eh?"

Shepard shook her head, turning in the chair to look out the front windows of the Kodiak as the cargo bay doors opened. The shuttle revved to life under Tali's knowing hands, and out they flew into the chilled sky of Alchera. The bottom dropped out of Shepard's stomach and she could feel her hard pulse swaying her.

The light was the same. The tint on the Kodiak's windows muted the sunlight over the edge of the planet just enough - the way her helmet had. Eyes locked on the windows, the helmet slipped from her hands, but Shepard recovered with a twitch and caught it before it could fall.

Looking from the holo-controls, Tali reached a hand to touch her captain's knee, drawing Shepard's eyes away.

"I can't imagine what this must be like."

Shepard coughed and sat back up in her chair, rolling her helmet in her hands. She could feel Garrus' eyes on her. Early on he'd picked up on her dislike for wearing a helmet anymore. It was a necessity in many cases. But she avoided it if she could.

"Well," Shepard spoke quietly, regaining control, "the light looked just like this. The Collector ship was flanked by the sun. That golden beam cutting her down." Her eyes were back out the forward windows of the cabin.

"It was cold. But not for long." Rolling her tongue in her mouth, Shepard swallowed and coughed, "It didn't last for long."

Neither Tali nor Garrus spoke, the quarian looking from the controls back to her dearest friend. They hadn't been there. Each had gone their own needed way when the Normandy was reassigned to track down the geth outliers.

Garrus made a sound, his mandibles flaring as he said, "I hope we're able to bring peace to some of the families. If we find anything, this'll be worth it."

"Exactly." There was faint strength in the Commander's words, her eyes still out the window, and her jaw set closed. They had thought it an honour to let her be the first to set foot on the memorial. On her once grave. On the graves of good men and women.

But it had lasted long. It was something no one would ever know. The time between the explosion that jettisoned her into space and her last coherent memory had stretched in agony. Amidst fractures and exposure, the suffocation and abstraction of her thoughts and senses stretched like spun sugar, brittle and fine, wispy and intangible.

Shepard took another breath, metering her breathing into normalcy as she pulled her thoughts away from her darkest hour. They had dipped down into the grey and white world of the frozen landscape. The ride was smooth and without fault, better than even the regular crewman that piloted the ship for them on planetside missions.

"Maybe I should have let you drive the Mako, Tali."  
Garrus chuckled and Tali's eyes glowed behind her helmet as she manipulated the controls and replied, "Yes. You should have."

Smiling, Shepard looked between her friends, before she turned away, the well-trained expression held. Standing up, she ducked back into the main cabin of the Kodiak, putting her helmet back on and attaching the contra-gravitic generators in triangular positioning on the monument.

Shepard donned her helmet and sat on one knee as Garrus came back to join her. He watched her configure the small devices.

"I'm sorry I wasn't here, Commander."

Finishing the work, Shepard stood up, helmeted face turning up to his. "Don't be, Garrus. You might be dead. And no offense, I doubt anyone's going to spend two billion credits bringing you back." She patted his arm as he coughed out a laugh.

The shuttle touched softly down, Tali's calculations precisely landing the shuttle amidst the wreck. It had been the only suitable place for miles around. Perhaps it was an omen of their needed presence. Standing as their pilot stepped into the back room, Shepard tensed and nodded.

"Well. Let's move then."

Moving beyond the barrier on the Kodiak's door, they were hit by a hard blast of unyielding wind. Methane clouds dragged across the sky, elongated and intermingled by the steady winds that beat down on the inhabitable planet. In the dim light, the stars overhead shone clear through where the clouds parted, and the shimmer of ice crystals drifted in the air.

Pieces of the ship were all around them, and the choke of Shepard's breath came clear over the comm. Shepard heard the blip of environmental controls warming to life on her hard suit, and she clenched her teeth to prevent any more sound from escaping.

"Pleasant place."

Shepard didn't move as Garrus strode by, and he walked a few more paces, before disappearing behind a large edifice of ice. Tali walked the other direction after glancing at the Commander, following something on her omni-tool.

"Shepard, a dog tag. Ahhyee. There are so many..."

Activating her omni-tool, Shepard's feet crunched over the icy ground as she wandered away from her companions, tracing the skeletal edge of the downed spacecraft. The elements hadn't been kind. But it was still a familiar home that had been destroyed and abandoned.

Dipping to retrieve a dog tag, Shepard deactivated its homing beacon and slipped it into a compartment on her hard suit. She looked at each one as she moved, the names and ranks upon them harkening memories of faces, sounds and instances from her former life.

Turning, she saw the cluttered remains of the CIC and galaxy map, the struts and beams that once held her together torn asunder to the sky and shredded. Shepard raised a hand, running it along the weathered control panel of the galaxy map, when she saw something against the ice. She stooped to retrieve the data pad, the warmth draining from her limbs as she read it.

_Pressly._

Shepard had never imagined she got through to the stubborn navigator, but it seems he had taken her words to heart. Her fingers tightened on the pad, and she drew an unsteady breath. He had died for them with pride.

"Shepard? You doing alright?" Tali's voice was drawn with strain.

Tacking the datapad to a place on her thigh, Shepard turned away to find more proof of her fallen comrades. She didn't immediately reply.

"Yeah." In her mind the words had sounded stronger than on her lips.

"It's hard to see her this way." Garrus said from afar. "But even here, the Normandy commands a majesty all her own."

"She does." Tali replied.

A familiar logo had caught her eye, and Shepard moved with jarred steps to grasp it, sinking to her knees. The comm was quiet for a while.

"Shepard?"

Tali looked up at Garrus with concern, and he handed her the dog tags. The quarian added them to a storage compartment on her suit.

Shepard could hear the hiss of her breath in the suit as the CO2 scrubbers worked, as heat was recaptured to minimize the energy draw needed to keep her warm.

"What was the Alliance thinking sending her here?"

"I don't know, Garrus. They weren't thinking." Tali motioned, swallowing her emotion, but her voice shook, "I can't stand it here. We have to find her."

The helmet in her hands, Shepard stared, and her increased breathing brought brief condensation to her faceplate. Each breath quickly dissipated to leave her view of the N7 logo clear.

_You were supposed to protect me. What you held was precious cargo. _

Swallowing the speed of her pulse, Shepard closed her eyes, the weight of where they were sinking in. Her knees crunched into the snow, backside resting on the ground as she looked back at her old helmet.

She shouldn't be alive. She should be dead like all these good marines.

Her breath constricted.

"Shepard, come in."

Numbness wicked through her legs, and there was a weightlessness in her arms as she sucked a hard breath.

"Commander?"

Garrus reached for Shepard's shoulder, and her head snapped up at the touch, helmet still in her grasp.

"Oh Keelah." Tali put a hand high on her breast.

"Come on, Shepard." Garrus' voice was more subdued, and he took the helmet from her. "Let's place the memorial."

The motions and words pulled Shepard out of the tar in her mind, and she cleared her throat, on her feet again. Putting a hand around the back of her neck, she said, "I'll get it."

She didn't like this space, this vulnerability. It was too close to the chasm of existence she couldn't remember.

Tali and Garrus matched the Commander's stride as she went straight back to the Kodiak.

"How many tags did you find?"

"Fourteen."

"Good. I have six." Shepard swallowed thickly, blinking rapidly as her eyes dampened. Once in the shuttle, they opened the main bay doors and she activated the contra-gravitic device. The mass effect field it generated allowed her to pick it up with ease.

Shepard walked with a hurried pace towards the crew deck, the clawed metal beams silhouetted against the stars. The wreck broke up the light and sent shadows across the snow, the twilight world a glowing, cold blue. Finding a clearing amidst the debris, the midst of the mass grave, she knelt and deactivated the field.

The monument sunk into the snow with a weighty crunch. Shepard stayed on a knee, silent, and she ran her hand across the words etched at the bottom of the memorial.

_When you go home, tell them of us and say,_

_For their tomorrow, we gave our today._


End file.
